Category Archives for "Personal Development"

Personal Development Tips Come in all shapes and sizes
Dec 04

Terrific Personal Development Tips

By Admin | Personal Development , Uncategorized

Terrific Personal Development Tips

Personal development tips image header

Personal development begins with you…

Personal development tips can help you gain control of your current situation and feel more fulfilled. In order to get you working hard on achieving your personal improvement goals, you need some good information to keep your spirits high. Read on for some such ideas to help you on your way.

You should try to find and read books that tell you about personal development and seek out as many personal development tips as you can from good sources. Having a good personal development book can give you insight and advice that will make a difference in your life forever. Be sure that you pick out a book that has been favorably reviewed because a lot of the times, these type of books can be poorly written.

TIP! Some level of contentment is crucial to mental health and self-improvement. While self-help tactics and tips focus on constant striving, there is a bigger picture to consider.

Take a notebook around with you to jot ideas in. Carry a journal or diary with you, everywhere you go. Make detailed notes, and later, when you have the chance and are feeling creative, take your ideas further. Its always a good idea to jot down your own personal development tips and keep a record of them

If you would like to move forward in personal development, you should be humble. When you accept that you are but a tiny speck in the scope of our universe, you can begin to realize that there is much to learn if you hope to advance. Once this idea gets instilled in your mind, you will want to know, understand and learn new things, therefore, improving yourself.

Know which values and characteristics are important to you before designing a program for personal development. It wouldn’t make sense to develop a trait that was contrary to who you are. You need to focus your energy on the things that do line up with your values. By spending your time in these specific areas, you can make the changes in the areas that matter and have these changes stick with you.

personal development tips image quote from vidal sassoon

Be a success…

TIP! One way to help yourself is by making your mind more open. An open mind allows you to fully experience the world in a way that you could not if you were more narrow or closed minded.

Exercise is for everybody. It is not reserved for those who wish to slim down. There are countless physical benefits to exercising. Exercise stimulates the production of substances in your body that help calm you. Regular exercise is one of the most undervalued personal development tips out there, but very important for your mental as well as physical well-being.

Create a written pep talk for yourself. List all of your good qualities on a postcard. Carry it with you, and refer to it when necessary. Take it a step further and record yourself reading your list. The reason to watch the video or read the postcard as often as possible is to remind yourself of how wonderful you think you are.

Have a special account for emergencies. Many people think that a credit card counts as an emergency fund. If you put back just a few dollars every week you will quickly build up an emergency fund. These reserves can be of great assistance now and in the future, because the amount owed will drop, rather than build.

TIP! Do your best to keep your work at work. Mixing work with home can not only put a lot of strain and stress on you, but it can to your family and relationships too.

Instead of bragging about your achievements and awards, ask other people about what they have accomplished that they are most proud of. This will provide you valuable insight into the others around you, and enable you to see how much others contribute each and every day.

Take stock of your alcohol use to see if you are drinking too much. Do you harm your body through smoking, or in other ways? Your body should be treated with the utmost respect. Sometimes, eliminating bad habits is what it takes to make your life better. Take a hard look at your daily life and find things that could benefit from a positive restructuring.

Personal development tips image quote from Thomas Jefferson

You make your own luck…

Take a trip with a buddy to the movie theater as a method of conquering anxiety. This gets you out into a social setting but does not require you to socialize to the point where you are uncomfortable. In addition, this can give you the opportunity to become comfortable in crowded rooms.

TIP! To help you endure the often daunting task of self-help for your emotional uneasiness, you must keep your mind open to all positive energy and surroundings. If you let the bad thrive in your life, you will never be able to overcome your issues.

If you are falling short and not meeting goals, step back and look at your issues. Research your ideas online to find others who have set similar goals, then compare yours with those of others. You might be trying to do too much at once, have the steps in the wrong order, or only taking half-measures when allocating resources.

It is possible to deal with the tough situations that arise in everyone’s life without becoming overly emotional. If you know how to keep a cool head during stressful times, then you will likely be able to handle most problems life sends your way. Take some time during your day to stop and take breaths.

Don’t be disorganized anywhere in your life. You will feel accomplished and your mind will feel clearer. Better yet, you will no longer worry about finding necessary things or dealing with the stress that comes with living in a cluttered environment. When everything is in a proper place, life is a bit calmer.

TIP! Keeping a journal can be an excellent self-help strategy. If you’re not sure what to write about, start by writing down all the positive things you can think of that day.

Making improvements in your health will put you on the fast track of personal development. Being in a good state of health makes anyone feel better. Good health slows the aging process, making you look and feel great. Making choices that lead to a healthy lifestyle should be a part of your daily routine.

When you are trying to improve yourself, you should aim to have a high amount of self-discipline. You need to be able to control your body’s urges. Control your body’s physical desires, like lust, greed, overeating and drunkenness. Not only will you learn restraint, you will also keep your body healthy by refusing to participate in these harmful activities.

Your mental health can be directly influenced by the physical heath of your body. Regular exercise and a healthy, nutritious diet are two things every person should aim for. It’s important to give attention to building both a strong, healthy body and a healthy frame of mind.

TIP! Begin setting some money aside regularly for emergencies. Many people think that a credit card counts as an emergency fund.

Since nobody’s perfect, you’re going to fall off your diet plan sometimes and eat junk food instead of a healthy meal. Allowing stressful situations to build can be as harmful as eating an unhealthy diet, and therefore, it is important to remind yourself to maintain perspective and your calm at all times.

Here’s another great perspective that contributes to the personal development path that you’re on…

Why most people will remain in mediocrity

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/12/04/why-most-people-will-remain-in-mediocrity.htmlWhy most people will remain in mediocrity

From CNBC.com

 

Many people struggle with assertiveness in their quest to develop themselves, so check out this post on Developing Assertiveness

Many people who are interested in personal development tips also have an interest in entrepreneurship so check out the article Be An Entrepreneur and Succeed In Life

No matter the number personal development tips you use, you can become more energized towards your personal development path. Some things will require you to work hard, but if you apply yourself and follow the right tips, the results will satisfy you.

 

Tips to manage anxiety - be social
Dec 04

Great Tips To Manage Anxiety & Make Your Life More Peaceful

By Admin | Health , Personal Development , Uncategorized

Simple Things That You Could Do To Manage Anxiety Better

Tips to manage anxiety by relaxing the mind photo image

Anxiety is like the Red tip of the pencil that you can’t stop paying attention to…

Mild anxiety over situations that occur in life is normal, but sometimes too much anxiety creeps up on us and its good to have some great tips to manage anxiety better. If anxiety seems to be taking a toll on how you live your life then you should do what you can to take control. Luckily, there are various ways you can overcome anxiety effects. This article contains all the information that you need to take control of your anxiety, and finally get rid of it for good.

 

Tips To Manage Anxiety:

In order to make sure you are not overwhelmed by anxiety, exercise often. Physical activity can produce endorphins, which help make you feel more positive and keep your mind away from stressful thoughts. Additionally, experts recommend physical activity to maintain your general health and well-being.

Managing anxiety is made easier by the tips to manage anxiety that involve exercise

Exercise triggers relaxation chemicals that help to relieve stress and anxiety

 

Keeping busy all day is a great way to help with your anxiety. If you aren’t doing anything and you just sit there, your mind wanders. Simple things, like washing your car or cleaning up around the house, can be of great help.

Write in a journal or diary regularly. Some people allow stressful thoughts to accumulate in their heads with no outlet. If you are able to vent these thoughts into the written word, you can stop holding on to them. One of the great tips to manage anxiety is to schedule a “worry” time and write down your worries during a pre-defined time every day.

Don’t bottle in all the troubles, talk to someone! Dealing with your anxiety alone can make it a lot harder. Getting out these things can help you to be in a better state of mind and have less anxiety.

Don’t spend too much of your day sitting. If you have to sit down a lot when you are at work, make sure that you do exercises when you are on your breaks. Stretch your legs often. When at home, keep yourself active with walks or jogging and reduce the amount of TV watching or inactive sitting. While everybody needs some relaxation, too much relaxation can actually increase your anxiety levels, as you begin to feel guilty for resting.

Tips to manage anxiety include relaxing and enjoying nature

Relax like the sunny day

It is important to accept that there are things in life that you cannot control. There is no secret way to eliminate the unexpected happenings of a normal life. Worrying doesn’t solve problems on its own or give you the predictable results you may crave. This will prevent you from enjoying the good things in your life right now. Accept uncertainty and become patient with your problems in life. Many people are familiar with the Serenity Prayer and it turns out it forms the basis for one of the greatest tips to manage anxiety of all time.

You should establish goals for yourself on a daily basis. Doing this can help keep you focused throughout the day, which can help prevent any negative thoughts and minimize your anxiety levels. Instead, your thoughts can be placed on areas that are more conducive to feeling good.

Have someone you can rely on to talk about your problems. Having a support system can help to keep you healthy, both mentally and physically. Talking things over can reduce the stress and anxiety you feel every day.

Don’t spend time with folks that stress you out. If some of your friends have a consistently negative attitude, for instance, you might find that spending less time with them decreases your own stress levels. People like this will just add more stress to your life.

Are you looking for a sure-bet to kick anxiety to the curb? Laughter and smiles are the easiest way to minimize anxious feelings. Think about all the things you can draw happiness from. Whenever you begin to have an anxious feeling, find a way to bring laughter to your days, such as a favorite funny movie or fun song.

Take note of your anxiety triggers, and name them. This can help you better understand your triggers so that you can be conscious of your decisions when you have to deal with them.

Laugh as much as you can. Laughing brings happiness which lowers anxiety. Watch a funny movie or TV show, hang out with funny people, or just read a funny book. The more reasons you have to laugh, the less anxious you will be.

Many introverts have a hard time with social anxiety. One way to conquer this is by finding enjoyable activities you can do by yourself or might do with others. Some examples of this are running, chess, cycling, and photography. That way, when you want to have company, you will know you will be able to enjoy the activity at the very least.

Always get a good night’s sleep when dealing with anxiety. Lack of sleep will increase anxiety. Aside from that, you can start feeling physical pain from the lack of sleep. Try to get yourself about 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night.

Take time to get a massage. Yes, a massage. A massage will ease the tension in both your body and your mind. Anxiety also causes muscle cramps; therefore, you may physically require this massage in order to live without any aches or pains.

Pay attention to what you eat. Some foods, such as candy and caffeine, are known to contribute to feelings of anxiety. You will find that food like berries or nuts are able to keep anxiety at bay. If you’re having a really hard time with your anxiety, then you should write down what you’re eating. Make a conscious effort to change it for the better.

Think about taking up meditation. Meditation could be a good tool for easing anxiety. Anyone can learn and benefit from meditation. As there are different forms of meditation, it is important to find the one that works best for you. If you get too anxious sitting still, find an active meditation. Try many kinds of meditation until you’re able to locate one that provides the most anxiety relief. Science has shown that depression and anxiety are helped by both mindful meditation and yoga, so this one also falls under the “great tips to manage anxiety” category.

Do not gamble if you are an anxiety sufferer. Gambling increases stress levels, even if you win. Also, if you lose, this can create a lot more anxiety down the road from a monetary perspective.

It’s normal to experience low levels of anxiety throughout the day. However, if anxiety is beginning to interfere with your ability to function normally, then it needs to be gotten under control by your taking charge of it. Start gaining control of your anxious feelings with the tips to manage anxiety above.

If you’d like to take a look at more information on dealing with anxiety here’s a link to a very good TedTalk About Dealing With Anxiety

Tips to manage anxiety include being with people you love

You can be happy and live a joyful life even with some anxiety.

Depression can go hand in hand with anxiety, so check out this article on Tips for Dealing With Depression

 

how to treat depression which makes you feel isolated image
Dec 03

15 Great Tips To Treat Depression Naturally

By Admin | Health , Personal Development , Uncategorized

Tips to treat depression and beat loneliness through natural remedies

Depression often leads to a sense of loneliness and isolation

17 Great Tips To Treat Depression Naturally

One common ailment that many people suffer from is depression. Depression comes over people unexpectedly for many different reasons, ranging from the death of a family member to the loss of a significant other. No matter what the reason for the depression, it can have a detrimental effect on people. For tips to treat depression naturally, read this article.

Let me start by getting the obvious out of the way first. Depression is incredibly common and so the first thing you should do is consult with your doctor and consider seeing a therapist depending on the severity of how your feeling and your ability to cope with your feelings. If your depressive symptoms are interfering with your ability to work, go to school, or impacting your relationships then definitely seek medical care. In addition to doing that here are some great tips to help you out as you deal with your situation.

Therapy is one of the tips to treat depression

Therapy is great for you if you’re depressed!

15 Tips To Treat Depression Naturally

  1. Exercise regularly if you suffer from depression. Exercising releases endorphins that stimulate mood and reduce stress. Exercising also has long-term health consequences that can reduce depression. For instance, eating too much sugar is known to worsen depression symptoms in some people. Overweight individuals also suffer worse depression symptoms on average.
  2. Exercise and sunshine are tips to treat depression

    Exercise and sunshine help to elevate mood.

2. Change your depressive thoughts. If you are suffering from negative self-talk then consider whether you would be equally negative if you were thinking about another person instead. Treat yourself as kindly as you would treat a loved one. Try to re-think these thoughts more constructively or realistic by using statements with suggestions on how you can solve the issues.

3. A great piece of advice for someone struggling with depression is to actually watch what you eat. Many times those who are depressed eat goods that actually make them feel worse. Avoid fried and fatty goods which will make you feel slow and lethargic. Focus on high energy foods like nuts.

4. Play dress up. Take the time in the morning to get yourself ready, even if you are not going anywhere. Putting on your good clothes, including shoes, can increase your confidence and your mood. Feeling sloppy and frumpy in old, stained clothes may be comfortable, but it does nothing for your mood.

5. In your battle against depression, challenge your negative thoughts (all of the tips regarding changing your thinking are great tips to treat depression and entire therapy models are built around this strategy). One of the by-products of depression is putting a negative spin on how you see yourself, your future, and situations that you encounter. If you are like many people who suffer from depression, you are a perfectionist and hold yourself to standards that are impossibly high. Permit yourself to be less than perfect and quit beating yourself up if you don’t meet impossible standards you have set for yourself. Negative thoughts will cause depression to become an endless cycle.

6. Drink plenty of water. Everyone knows that plenty of water is essential to body health, however, it is also crucial to mental health. Having a good and positive attitude is physically more difficult when you are dehydrated. Dehydration can cause your brain to begin to shut down, causing even a normally happy person to become down.

7. A great tip for anyone battling depression is to build an encouraging, supportive social structure. Try to be warm and positive toward those you encounter and work on involving others in the things you enjoy. By doing this, you will be able to avoid dwelling on feelings of sadness, which will lessen the sensation of helplessness that you may have experienced in the past.

8. Another of the great tips to treat depression is to not make any big or rash decisions. Often times when we are depressed we make irrational decisions based on emotions, not knowing which often makes things worse. As such sit idly on those big decisions till you feel better.

9. Keep your friends and family close. Many people are willing to help you deal with your depression. Allow them into your life and include them in your situation. You will be surprised how understanding people are. Connecting with others in any way will only be beneficial to you and they might even be able to provide a few smiles.

Talking and laughter are tips to treat depression

Talk, laugh and express yourself when you can…

10. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. You may feel that no one understands what you’re going through, but the truth is that many people suffer from depression at least once in their lives. Join a support group or talk to a loved one and you won’t feel so alone.

11. A beneficial tip for anyone facing depression is to intentionally take a break from feelings of anger or sadness in order to stop and consider all of the positive things in your life. By taking stock of the good things with which you have been blessed, you can shift the focus away from your troubles and lift yourself out of your depression – at least temporarily.

12. When it comes to dealing with depression, you may wish to consider listening to recordings that are of a motivational persuasion. This is important because a little coaching can sometimes be all that is needed in order to feel good about yourself. Check your local library for tapes before purchasing.

12. Stay away from negative people. Everyone has someone in their life who is negative about everything they see. Make your life a little more positive by getting rid of this person. They complain about everything, and your life would be better and happier if you were not sucked in by their negativity.

13. A good tip that can help you get out of your depression is to not label yourself as someone that’s depressed. If you’re always telling yourself that you’re in a depression, you’ll most likely stay depressed. How can you expect to get better if you’re always seeing yourself as so depressed?

14. Set a goal. Often times depression can be caused by a lack of purpose or a feeling of failure. If you set a goal for yourself it gives you something to look forward to and to work towards. It gives your life a purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

15. Get enough sleep – depression can often interfere with both sleep quality and sleep quantity, so be sure to get enough sleep. On the other hand, if you find that you are sleeping too much be sure to get out of bed and get your self active as much as possible.

There are many ways that depression can be treated and there are new methods being studied all the time, one of which is Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). To read more about it take a look at this article.

Magnetic pulses can ease depression A device that delivers magnetic pulses to the brain could help ease depression — even in people who haven’t been helped by medication.Research is ongoing into whether transcranial magnetic stimulation or TMS, can help people with autism, schizophrenia and a host of other conditions involving the brain.For now, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved TMS for use in adults with depression who haven’t been helped by medication.Dr.

Furthermore, depression is a common ailment that many people all over the world suffer from. It comes over individuals unexpectedly for different reasons, such as death or loss. It can have a detrimental effect on people regardless of the reason. If you remember the tips to treat depression in this article, you can deal with depression naturally.

Here’s a link to a Web MD article about tips to treat depression naturally that compliments what I’ve written here.

You may also want to check out my article on Assertiveness and Power Posing, because lack of assertiveness can cause problems with depression.

Expressing Thanks and Gratitude are tips to treat depression

Thank you for reading my article 🙂 Please share it!

 

Nov 25

Five Steps to Being an Effective Leader

By Admin | Entrepreneur , Personal Development , Syndications

Being an effective leader is how you’ll lead your company to success. Having the best tools of the trade, after all, are useless unless you know how to use them effectively. The same applies to your employees. You need to not only be at the top of your game, you need to know where to take the business, what steps need to be completed, and you also need to be able to react to industry changes. Being an effective leader is difficult, but it can be done using these five steps:

  1. Be Ready for Each Day

An effective leader has to be “on” at all times. This means that they have to be on the top of their game. It means you can’t be sluggish, you can’t be tired, and above all, you can’t lose your productive streak. You need to manage, and you need to manage effectively. To do this, you need to improve your work/life balance. Start by improving your health. This means eat healthy, getting your exercise, and getting enough sleep at night. Being healthy will do wonders for your brain and your energy levels.

You need balance in order to continue to work hard without burning out. Make date plans, do the things you want to do, and buy the things you’ve always wanted. For instance, there are many used Yamaha R1 for sale, meaning you can have your dream of a motorcycle without overspending. Make time to enjoy it, and you’ll find you’re more relaxed at the start of each workday.

  1. Have Short-Term Goals Planned

Once you’ve ensured that you’re at the top of your game when you go into work, it’s time to improve your workflow. A great way to do this is to write up a strong business plan. Either get this plan approved if you work for someone, or use it to direct your company. The more specific and detailed this plan is, the better. Having short-term goals and knowing the steps to get to those goals will allow you to stay on track and make progress. It also allows your team and employees to know what to do and what is expected of them, making you a greater leader.

  1. Stay on Top of Industry Trends and News

Another aspect of being a leader is to know what directions to take. That is why on top of having a good business plan, you also need to stay on top of trends and news, so that you can more effectively lead your company into the future, and not into ruin.

  1. Listen and Ask for Input

Your opinion, however, is not the only one that matters. That is why you need to listen and ask for the opinions of your employees. You hired them because they are smart and talented, and so you should, therefore, give them the opportunity to prove themselves. Their input could be what takes your company to the next level, after all.

  1. Bolster Teamwork

There are so many ways to improve teamwork in your company. Use team-building exercises and training, and encourage your employees to work together. The more effort you put into improving their teamwork, the better.

Be an effective leader, and lead your company and your employees to further success.

Nov 24

Sometimes People Don’t Say Sorry—Why It Pays to Forgive Nonetheless

By Admin | Personal Development , Relationships , Syndications

“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” ~Roberto Assagioli

When I was a little girl, I used to wonder what my father was like. Was he a nice man? What did he look like? Did he think about me? Did he love me?

But, above all I wondered why he left.

I used to make up stories about him—one time I imagined him as a voyager traveling to foreign lands and picking up small gifts for me in every new place he visited. He met with the locals, and would learn new trades and languages. He’d tell them stories about how much he loved and missed me, and how he couldn’t wait to come home.

Another time he was a doctor stationed abroad helping to heal sick and impoverished children. He couldn’t come home because without him, those children would die, and when I was big enough, I’d travel to be with him.

I liked envisioning him as someone far away and out of reach, doing important work. In this way his absence made sense to me. But, the reality was not quite as heroic as I imagined it to be.

I first spoke to my father when I was a teenager and learned he was living in a different state and running his own business.

He’d remarried since my mother, and divorced, but had no more children. When I asked him why he left his answer was simple: “When your mom and I split up, I gave her a choice. Either she raise you without my help, or I raise you without her help. Emotionally. Financially. Everything. I needed a clean break.”

My heart dropped.

He wasn’t a doctor saving sick children.

He wasn’t a voyager exploring new lands and thinking of me.

Instead, he was just a man. A man who decided his divorce applied to both his wife and his daughter.

An overwhelming sadness filled the air around me, and disappointment set in. I wasn’t expecting or prepared for his nonchalant answer. The longing I’d felt to know him, the paternal love I wished to experience, the warmth, the guidance, the protection, the encouragement—all of it dissipated in an instant.

And in its place was emptiness.

But still, I longed for a connection with him. Growing up without a father made me feel somehow incomplete, like I was missing out on something everyone around me had access to.

I thought if I could prove I was worthy and deserving of his love and affection my father would never leave me again. I thought he’d realize he made a mistake and apologize for his absence, and work hard to make up for all of the years of fatherhood he missed out on. So I asked him if I could visit, and he agreed.

He booked me a ticket, and a few months later I was flying solo to see him. I was nervous and anxious. My palms were sweating and my hands were shaking. Would he like me? Would we get along? Would I finally have a father?

When he picked me up from the airport I could barely mutter out a hello.

“H-h-h-iii,” I stammered.

“Hey. Come on in, the traffic is really bad right now,” he said while opening the passenger side door of his truck.

Everything about him was different than I’d imagined. He wasn’t as talkative or full of stories as I thought he’d be. Instead he was quiet and observant, and somewhat withdrawn. But, he was welcoming and gracious during my stay—his girlfriend, however, not so much.

As my father and I got to know each other, his girlfriend distanced herself from our conversations and company. Initially, I figured she was shy or wanted to give us time alone. But, when I arrived home after my trip I learned she had given my father an ultimatum: choose her or me. He said he was furious with her, and he’d never choose a relationship over his daughter.

In an instant I felt validated. I felt important. And for the first time in my life, I felt paternal love and protection.

But, those feelings were short lived. When I tried to contact my father again I couldn’t get through. He changed his number. He stopped responding to my emails. He went completely off the grid, again.

I felt crushed, confused, and distraught. The man that I glorified for so long, and thought would love and care for me instead turned his back and walked away without so much as a goodbye.

And for a while I was shattered. I was angry. I was full of resentment. I was full of hatred. And I was sad because I didn’t understand what I had done and why he didn’t want me in his life.

And those negative feelings I held inside regarding my father were then projected into my relationships with men.

I found myself involved with emotionally unstable, unavailable men who were usually much older than me. The relationships were toxic—full of trust issues, fights and lack of appreciation. And each breakup left me feeling more broken and more unworthy, as if I was experiencing my father’s rejection over and over again.

After one particularly vulgar relationship characterized by emotional abuse and episodes of physical violence, I knew I had to get out. I knew I had to change my ways. I knew I had to learn to let go of the past and forgive my father for leaving because it was haunting my present.

All of those repressed emotions I felt toward my father were replaying over and over in my daily life like a lesson waiting to be learned—only I wasn’t learning. And I couldn’t move forward with my life because I hadn’t forgiven my father, and in the process I imprisoned myself.

And so I sat down and I prayed for guidance. I asked for help. For redirection. And, a voice in my head said, “We don’t forgive others for their salvation. We forgive others for our own.”

And in that instant, I knew what I had to do. I had to release the anger. I had to release the frustration. I had to release the sadness. I had to unlock the doors keeping me imprisoned.

Symphonically, my lips opened and these words poured out: “I forgive you for abandoning me. I forgive you for rejecting me. I forgive you for choosing her over me. I’m sorry for holding onto these negative feelings for so long. I wish you the best in your life. I wish you happiness. I wish you love. I wish you abundance. I am freeing you from my anger, and I am freeing myself.”

After that my entire life changed. A weight was lifted off of my shoulders, and I felt at peace. I felt happy. I felt free.

When it comes to forgiveness, we are each responsible for freeing ourselves because no one else can do it. Forgiveness is the key to self-salvation, and you can unlock your personal prison today and set yourself free now. Are you ready?

Here’s how:

Let Go of ‘Entitled’ Apologies

When I first met my father, I was certain he was going to adorn me with grand apologies, cry, and beg for my forgiveness. But, reality didn’t match my expectation. Not only did he not apologize, he also didn’t seek my forgiveness. In his mind, what he did made sense at the time and there as no reason to say sorry for it.

As I got older I began to understand the phrase “life happens, we all make mistakes.” And it’s true. None of us are perfect in our decision making, and it’s often through our mistakes we learn the quickest.

I can’t tell you what motivated my father to leave, but I can tell you I understand how overwhelming parenthood can be, especially when you’re a young twenty-something. I understand how when we have tough upbringing (as my father did) and we don’t let go of our past, it can negatively impact our lives and decisions in the present and future.

Sometimes people don’t say sorry. Sometimes people don’t believe they were wrong. But that doesn’t matter. Apologies aren’t what vindicate you—you vindicate yourself. Don’t wait for someone to apologize and behold a grudge against them until they do.

You know why?

Because the person that feels the wrath of your anger, frustration, and hatred is you. Those hostile feelings, emotions, and thoughts pulsate through your bloodstream like venomous poison, and you become the host keeping that poison alive.

Rather than waiting for an apology, or expecting one to come, realize it may never happen and that’s okay. Because your life and your happiness don’t depend on someone else saying sorry. Your life and your happiness depend on you and no one else.

Find The Lesson

Thrive on tough times! Because these tough times are simply life events that allow you to exercise your internal muscles. The more life throws at you, the stronger you’ll become.

If my father hadn’t left, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. If he hadn’t left, I wouldn’t have the same perspective and appreciation for life, love, and relationships. I am grateful for my father leaving because he taught me why forgiveness matters, which has enabled me to appreciate life more, be empathetic to others and love more, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Sometimes things happen, and we don’t understand why. Sometimes people hurt us. Sometimes life and its circumstances seem unfair. But, the truth is, every experience we have in life is meant to guide us, to teach us and to re-direct us.

So when you’re in a place where you’re feeling angry, resentful, and enraged step back and ask yourself what the universe might be trying to teach you through this experience. Even if this answer isn’t immediately clear, you will find it eventually and understand.

Reclaim Your Power

The misery I felt after my father cut me off was heartbreaking. My soul hurt. My body was tormented. My mind shattered. I lost my power when I lost my father because I associated his actions with my value, happiness and purpose.

But, we can’t control what other people do. They’re living their lives the best way they know how. We can only control how we react to them. And we either choose to empower or disempower ourselves with our reactions.

Grief, sadness, and anger are all normal emotions. They help us understand the world around us and build our emotional intelligence. And at certain points in our lives, we will express these feelings, and doing so is healthy. So, I’m not suggesting you repress your feeling, but I am suggesting you evaluate them.

Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” And if your answer is “because __________ did __________,” then ask yourself, “What can I do to move forward with my life?“

Create a strategy and timeline for how you can empower yourself to move forward and begin acting on it immediately.

Forgive

“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a different past.” ~Anne Lamott

After I forgave my father I was able to move forward with my life, and my relationships with men, in a positive and loving way. No longer did I sulk in disappointment, depression, self-hatred, or stress. Nor did I seek validation from outside sources. Instead, I found internal peace, happiness, and love.

Forgiveness is the final step in this healing process. When we let go of our painful past, we make way for a bright and hopeful present and future. Our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and actions align with our newly freed state of being, and we become happier, healthier, and more positive.

Forgiveness is the ultimate expression of love, and one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves and others.

By practicing these methodologies, I was able to climb the ladder to forgiveness. Each one was a critical rung I had to experience and consciously step up to. Only then did I regain my power. The most important part is that he didn’t change, apologize, or live up to my glorification. Instead, I simply made it to the final step, at the top of the forgiveness ladder.

About Antasha Durbin

Antasha Durbin is a spiritual writer, life-long student of the universe, and psychic tarot card reader. Her website, cajspirituality.com, is dedicated to casualizing the spiritual experience and making it attainable for anyone, anywhere, anytime. Follow her for free, easy-to-digest and highly actionable advice on spirituality, mindfulness and empowered living.

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Nov 24

This Is How To Create Happy Memories That Will Last A Lifetime: 3 Secrets From Research

By Admin | Personal Development , Relationships , Syndications

create-happy-memories

***

Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here.

***

Your first kiss. Graduation. Your first job. Your wedding day. Birth of your first child.

These are the big memories that we all cherish. But there are other little memories that stick out because they had such a powerful emotional impact on you. Moments that enriched your life, bonded you with others and helped you define who you are.

Well, the latter are just “magic”, right? Serendipity. Can’t engineer that. They just “happen”…

*Writer rolls his eyes so hard he gets a migraine.*

Yeah, and sometimes they don’t. More often than not, one day rolls into the next, one month rolls into the next, you blink your eyes and you’re staring down the barrel of another New Year’s Day saying: where the heck did the time go?

Serendipity can be a bus that never arrives. So why do we leave special moments to chance? And why do we not do more to create those special memories for others — the way we’d like them to make some for us?

We get tired. We get lazy. And then boom — suddenly CVS is loaded with Christmas ornaments and it signals the end of another year. No good. If we want great memories we have to make them.

But how do you do that? What makes some little moments so powerful? And others the epitome of “meh”?

Chip and Dan Heath have a new book that lays out the science you need to know — The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact.

Time to learn how to construct more events that will restock your reminiscence reservoir. Boost your nostalgia number. Fill your flashback fund.

Let’s get to work…

1) Create Moments of Elevation

Parties. Competing in sporting events. Taking off on a spontaneous road trip. What do they have in common?

From The Power of Moments:

Moments of elevation are experiences that rise above the routine. They make us feel engaged, joyful, amazed, motivated.

If you feel the need to pull out a camera, it’s probably a moment of elevation. (Unless you’re taking a selfie. In that case, just put it away, you narcissist.)

So what is it at the core of a moment of elevation that we can add to any event to make it more special? Remember the 3 S’s: sensory, stakes, and script.

Boost sensory appeal: This is why concerts, museums and great meals stick in your memory and why sitting on the couch is so forgettable. Engaging the senses more intensely makes moments stand out.

Raise the stakes: Competing in a sporting event is more exciting than watching one. In fact, betting on a sporting event makes watching one more entertaining. If there’s something to gain or lose, you’ll be paying attention.

Break the script: Don’t do the usual thing. Don’t just get coffee or have dinner. Boring. Take your default and flip it on its head. Defy expectations and strategically surprise people.

Southwest Airlines broke the script by tweaking their normal flight safety announcement. One of the lines they added was:

If you should get to use the life vest in a real-life situation, the vest is yours to keep.

People loved it. In fact, those who heard the new messages actually flew more. And that resulted in an extra $140 million per year for Southwest. Breaking the script produces delightful moments.

The Heath brothers write, “The most memorable periods of our lives are when we break the script.” Sounds kinda pat and corny – but it’s true.

Research shows that when older people look back on their lives, a disproportionate number of their big memories happened in a very narrow window: between ages 15 and 30.

That’s not even 20% of the average lifespan. Is this because our memory is sharper then? Or because young adulthood is a “magic” time? Heck, no…

It’s because after 30 life can get pretty darn boring. After their third decade has passed, most people don’t do anything as novel as falling in love for the first time, leaving home, going to college, or starting their first job.

So months and years blur together because nothing new and shiny happens. But neuroscientist David Eagleman says that when you inject novelty into your life, you prevent the blur. Surprise stretches time. So break the script and interrupt the blur with moments of elevation.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my new book here.)

So boosting sensory appeal, raising the stakes and breaking the script can turn little moments into big memories. What else has that power?

2) Celebrate Moments of Pride

A graduation party. The ceremony where you received your black belt. Or that special session when the parole board declared you “rehabilitated.”

You want to commemorate achievements. When you have your skill noticed by others, you can puff your chest out and take a second to feel really good about yourself. And this is not a “nice to have.” Research shows we need these.

From The Power of Moments:

Carolyn Wiley of Roosevelt University reviewed four similar studies of employee motivation conducted in 1946, 1980, 1986 and 1992. In each of the studies, employees were asked to rank the factors that motivated them. Popular answers included “interesting work,” “job security,” “good wages,” and “feeling of being in on things.” Across the studies, which spanned 46 years, only one factor was cited every time as among the top two motivators: “full appreciation of work done.”

According to one survey the Heath brothers found, the #1 reason people leave their jobs is “a lack of praise and recognition.” So take the time to appreciate what you’ve accomplished and to let others celebrate with you.

Now I know what some people are thinking: But I don’t achieve big stuff very often…

But you’ve already made big strides that you never took the time to revel in. Surface the milestones that already exist. How long have you and your BFF been friends? Ever celebrated that? Didn’t think so. (No, that does not make you a bad friend. I still like you. You’re cool.)

The Heath brothers tell the story of one couple that even looked back and actually celebrated fights the two of them had during their first year of marriage. Why? Because they got past them. They overcame the obstacles. That’s worth appreciating.

And for extra credit, set goals. Build milestones on the road ahead. Why? Because the more finish lines you set, the more moments of pride you’ll be able to celebrate. Not only does that feel good, it will motivate you.

George Wu at the University of Chicago looked at the data on how long it took over nine million runners to complete marathons. Most took about 3.5 to 5 hours. But the results weren’t evenly distributed. There’s this huge spike right before the 4 hour mark. Why? 4 hours is arbitrary, right?

Yeah — but it’s a nice round number. And for many it is achievable if they push themselves. People saw that “arbitrary” time limit approaching and kicked in the afterburners so they could say, “I finished in under 4 hours.” And so many did.

Celebrate moments of pride. You don’t have to win a Nobel Prize. In fact, celebrating a silly milestone “breaks the script” and may be even more memorable. Set goals so you have more moments of pride to motivate you to achieve and have more things to celebrate in the future.

(To learn the seven-step morning ritual that will make you happy all day, click here.)

So you’ve elevating and celebrating milestones. Great. But relationships are what brings us the most happiness. (And ice cream. Ice cream brings happiness, too.) So how do we make memories that deepen our relationships with others? (And may involve ice cream?)

3) Build Moments of Connection

Vacations. Reunions. Holidays. The times that bond us with others where we feel all kinds of warm fuzzies.

These are the moments when some of the most powerful memories are formed. What does the research say deepens the connections you feel with others?

Struggle. Yeah, struggle. No, I’m not saying you should get in an argument with Uncle Jack again.

Anthropologist Dimitris Xygalatas (say that three times fast) found that groups that went through “high-ordeals” bonded far more than those that went through “low-ordeals.” Struggling together made people closer. This is why fraternities haze. Why soldiers feel like they are kin.

So what the heck does this have to do with relaxing vacations and get-togethers with friends?

Less watching movies and more playing board games as teams. Less shopping and more touch football. If it ends with high-fives, you’re probably in the ballpark.

And even better if it’s a team activity that is connected to meaning. Yes, that even means helping your friend paint their new kitchen and having beers after. You’re helping them turn “that house” into “their home.”

Even if it sounds like a chore beforehand, we often look back fondly on those times…. especially if your friend paints himself into a corner.

(To learn the 4 rituals from neuroscience that will make you happy, click here.)

Okay, we’ve learned a lot. Hopefully it was a memorable moment — but just in case, let’s round it all up and learn how to make the most powerful memories of all…

Sum Up

This is how to create happy memories that will last a lifetime:

  • Create moments of elevation: Boost sensory appeal (light some fireworks.) Break the script (don’t wait for the 4th of July.) Raise the stakes (hope you don’t get arrested.)
  • Celebrate moments of pride: If your first book comes out and someone insists you go someplace special that night, do it. Otherwise you wouldn’t have a vivid memory. You wouldn’t have photos. All you would have is some random date to remember like in 8th grade history class.
  • Build moments of connection: Struggle. Working together on something, especially something meaningful, bonds us together. So just help Gary move this weekend and stop whining.

How do you make the most powerful memories of all? You don’t have to use just one of the tips above to improve a moment — you can use them all.

Celebrate a friend’s “moment of pride” with the “struggle” of a paintball match and “break the script” by also making it a costume party with everyone getting decked out in full military regalia — from the Revolutionary War.

Now that’s memorable. And insane. But insane is memorable. And not boring.

You now know how to make great memories that can last you the rest of your life. You can make them for friends as well – even better, share them with friends…

But usually we don’t. We do the hum-drum and the days blur together. Life becomes stale and boring and we die a little inside. But you don’t have to.

Break the script. Don’t let the script break you.

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Related posts:

New Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You Happy

New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful

How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert


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Oct 24

The Most Important Thing We Can Do for Our Brain? Exercise!

By Admin | Health , Personal Development , Syndications

 

 

If I would have guessed ten years ago what the best way to train the brain would be, I would probably have thought about crossword puzzles, sudoku, or cognitive apps. But then I would be wrong. The best way is physical exercise. During the last decade, neuroscience has shown that physical exercise has extraordinary effects on our brain.

Most people know by now that exercise will improve their mood—but few know that it will boost all of their cognitive abilities—memory, attention, creativity, and how we cope with stress. It all gets better in a way unparalleled by any drug, food-supplement, or cognitive training method.

So what happens in our brain when we move? First. the brain gets more blood. Bloodflow is increased by 20% while walking fast compared to sitting. More blood means more oxygen and nutrients. But increased bloodflow is only the beginning. The rate of neurogenesis—the formation of new brain cells—is increased by exercise. The newly born brain cells are formed in the dentate gyrus, a part of the hippocampus known as the “memory center”, and the effect is substantial. The hippocampus actually grew by 2% when a group of sedentary individuals walked regularly for a year. Typically, the hippocampus shrinks by up to 1% per year from our late twenties onwards, contributing to gradual memory loss as we get older. The exercise-based boost of hippocampal growth not only increases memory but improves mood. Exercise has been shown to be as efficient as antidepressants for mild and moderate depression, useful information in an age where more than one in ten adults are prescribed antidepressants in the US.

How about kids? Exercise does wonders to children’s cognitive abilities and their ability to learn. Just 20 minutes of playing increases math and reading test scores. And this isn’t exclusive to tests in the lab, several studies have shown that kids in good shape actually perform better in school. Physical activity even seems to affect IQ! When data from the Swedish military service was analyzed from 1.2 million 18-year old male Swedes a clear pattern emerged—boys in good cardiovascular fitness had higher IQs, a result that was also apparent for identical twins. In a number of identical twins, one brother was in good shape while the other brother was not. The brother in good shape had a higher IQ than his identical twin—even though they, more or less, have identical genes (there can be small differences in identical twins) and have grown up together!

The list goes even further. Exercise can make us more creative. A recent study showed that creativity test results for divergent thinking (“brainstorming”) increased by more than 50% if participants had walked for 45 minutes before the test. The creativity-boost is temporary, we get more creative during 1-2 hours after exercise—probably due to increased blood flow, than we are back to our normal creativity-level. The takeaway message is: if you are stuck with a problem, then go for a walk or jog, and rethink of the problem an hour afterward and increase your chances of coming up with a solution.

But why is exercise so important for the brain? It is not at all obvious from our modern perspective but makes more sense if we look at our history. Our brains are basically the same today as they were 10 000 years ago. It was when our ancestors moved: during hunting, running from predators, and discovering new lands, that they really needed their cognitive abilities. That was when they needed to be attentive and have a memory to remember new experiences. That is why evolution has slowly tailored the brain in such a way that it benefits from exercise and that is why we still benefit from it today as our brains have not grossly changed since our ancestors days on the savanna.

While the human brain is fundamentally unchanged in the past 10 000 or even 20 000 years or so, our lifestyle has changed enormously. Modern sedentary lifestyle deprives many of us from getting enough physical activity, leading to vast consequences not only in terms of obesity and type-2 diabetes but also when it comes to wellbeing and how we function mentally. Exercise is not about sports. It is not about participating in a lifestyle. It is something we need to do for our brain and cognitive abilities since we have evolved for it. Now neuroscience is helping us to rediscover the brain-medicine that we forgot.

References

[1] Eriksson P et al (1998) Neurogenetis in the adult human hippocampous. Nature medicine. 4;1313–1317. doi:10.1038/3305

[2] Alvarexz- Bueno C (2017) The Effect of Physical Activity Interventions on Children’s Cognition and Metacognition: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 56(9):729–738. doi:10.1016/j.jaac.2017.06.012

[3] Åberg, M et al (2009) Cardiovascular fitness is associated with cognition in young adulthood. Proc Natl Acad Sci USA. 106(49):20906–11. doi:10.1073/pnas.0905307106

[4] Oppezzo et al (2014) Give Your Ideas Some Legs: The Positive Effect of Walking on Creative Thinking Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition. 40(4):1142–1152. doi:10.1037/a0036577

Image via Tumisu/Pixabay.

Further Reading

This article originally appeared on www.brainblogger.com

Be an entrepreneur
Oct 14

Be An Entrepreneur and Succeed In Life – The 6 Steps You Must Take To Live Your Your Dreams

By Admin | Entrepreneur , Personal Development

Be An Entrepreneur

It often starts with a vague notion that there’s more to life than what you’re doing right now. A small voice in your mind whispers to you, “Be an entrepreneur.” As you begin to think about ways to move forward in life you feel a sense of excitement building as you consider how to become an entrepreneur. The thought of owning your own business, having more money and creating the life of your dreams begins to stir your passions…

Or you may have a great idea for a product or service that can help people or is different than what already exists on the market. In fact, your idea is so good you’re convinced that it can succeed if you figure out a way to get your business going.

Sometimes you’re desperate and know there must be a better way…

You know that having a business that will generate money and the income you need is the way out…

There are many paths that people take to become an entrepreneur and despite what other people may tell you there is no “right” way. People become entrepreneurs following all sorts of different paths…

There are entrepreneurs that started off broke and homeless and others who had money. There are entrepreneurs from all races and nationalities. In short, anyone can be an entrepreneur…

How to become an entrepreneur – The Very First Step

Be an entrepreneur 1st step

1. Research – “How To Become An Entrepreneur” on the Internet

You’re going to see some crazy search results like “How to Become an Entrepreneur Overnight, 50 Habits That Prove You Were Born to Be an Entrepreneur, 17 Ways to Know You Were Born to Be an Entrepreneur” and a few other good ones which to me are right up there with books that purport to help you pick winning lottery numbers…

Why do the authors have to sell all those books on picking winning lottery numbers? Shouldn’t they have won a bunch of lotteries already?

Anyhow…

The first step is research, but be careful of what you read on the internet. There’s a great deal of crap out there and it’s hard to separate out the gold nuggets from the dirt…

Instead, let me give you a few solid recommendations and good websites to check out as you become an entrepreneur and achieve success in life the way that you want.

In 2010 a Department of Labor Poll predicted that the largest employer would become “self.” Additionally, an internet poll of 25-44-year-olds showed that 90% surveyed wanted to own their own business.

This leads to the next part of your journey on becoming an entrepreneur…

2. How to be an Entrepreneur – Develop YOU Inc.

Start to perceive yourself as the Chief Executive Officer Of YOU Incorporated even before you become an entrepreneur. Change your mindset from one of an employee to employer. If you are already a CEO or boss, then good for you. Instead of changing your mindset work on refining your mindset and developing laser focus.

Your focus as an entrepreneur or Chief Executive Officer is on the big picture and on developing processes that are high payoff and create leverage for you, allowing you to do either activities you enjoy or are the only person capable of doing them.

If you are a technical wizard you may need to partner with someone who has the characteristics of a CEO to help balance your technical wizardry with big picture thinking and a focus on leverage and developing processes that create high payoff activities.

If you are having trouble understanding what I’m writing about then you need more knowledge, so that you can expand your mindset and become a more successful entrepreneur…

3. Be an Entrepreneur – The Truth About Business Planning

I have mixed feelings about business planning. Too often people attempt to emulate the business planning methods popularized and used by large corporations and use them with small entrepreneurial ventures. This is a big mistake in my book as it takes away one of the key competitive advantages that entrepreneurs often have which is nimbleness and the ability to respond rapidly to a changing environment in a way that larger companies and corporations often struggle with due to the sheer scale and size of their operations.

One model for entrepreneurs to consider is the Plan – Do – Study – Act model popularized by Edward Deming. Here’s a link to the Wikipedia entry about it.

The basic idea here is to plan something then implement it, study how it’s working and change what needs to be changed to make it work better, then repeat the cycle.

Here’s another way of thinking about this is in relation to what you need to learn to be an entrepreneur. Learn new material from a book or course etc, then implement it, often immediately and keep repeating this cycle.

Back to the business planning portion…

The key to be an entrepreneur is to capitalize on the advantages you have which are your ability to adapt and change. So, unless you need to do a large full-blown business plan due to the nature of your entrepreneurial venture or a bank requires it, do not get lost in creating an overblown document that will just end up sitting on a shelf…

Have a solid plan, but do not spend a huge amount of time creating the perfect written document. I have seen far too many people with beautiful plans that took over a year to produce with no business at the end to show for it…

4. Leverage Your Time & Resources To Become An Entrepreneur

There are certain activities that if you invest in them, such as reading, exercising, getting good sleep, that actually help you to leverage everything else that you do and all successful people utilize these “secrets”. Here’s a link to a great article that goes into more depth about some of this information for you…

Why Successful People Spend 10 Hours A Week On “Compound Time”

https://medium.com/@michaeldsimmons/abbdec90fbe1Why Successful People Spend 10 Hours A Week On “Compound Time” Award-Winning Entrepreneur / Bestselling Author / Forbes, Fortune, HBR Contributor / Co-Founder of @iEmpact / Personal Site: http://t.co/T32xDLUBLJ Draft Why Successful People Spend 10 Hours A Week On “Compound Time”. Warren Buffett, Albert Einstein, Oprah Winfrey all do this one thing outside their to-do-lists every day. One question has fascinated me my entire adult life: what causes some people to become world-class leaders, performers, and changemakers, while most others plateau? I’ve explored the answer to this question by reading thousands of biographies, academic studies, and books across dozens of disciplines. Over time, I’ve noticed a deeper practice of top performers, one so counterintuitive that it’s often overlooked. Despite having way more responsibility than anyone else, top performers in the business world often find time to step away from their urgent work, slow down, and invest in activities that have a long-term payoff in greater knowledge, creativity, and energy.

5. Focus On Your Strengths To Be An Entrepreneur

There is clear research that demonstrates that focusing on your strengths will help you to succeed in life. Consider what you’re good at… What comes easily to you? Focus on your strengths and work on getting even better at them. Here’s a link to the number one strength finder tool available, which is free – Gallup Strength Finder

And check out this really great Youtube video that reviews Strengths-based Leadership

 

6. How To Be An Entrepreneur – Shore Up Your Weaknesses

We all have areas that are weaknesses. No one can be good at everything and for some of us not only are there areas that are weaknesses, but there are habits that can potentially destroy our business like lying, theft or many other problems. So, you want to counterbalance your weaknesses and prevent any habits from being destructive. Here’s a link to an article that will help you think about this in a different way.

Bad Habits Always Take You Down, Eventually – Rich Habits Institute

Bad Habits Always Take You Down, Eventually – Rich Habits Institute Develop the Habits to Create Opportunity, Luck, Achieve Consistent Success, and Build Wealth. Bad Habits Always Take You Down, Eventually October 13, 2017 by Thomas C. Corley Leave a Comment Bad habits generally don’t take you out immediately. They often take many years before they negatively impact your life. Just think about some of the actors, CEOs, athletes, musicians, politicians and other celebrity types who were taken down by their bad habits: Bill Cosby’s Alleged Sexual Predator Bad Habit, Tiger Woods’ Infidelity Bad Habit, Eliot Spitzer – Former governor of New York’s Prostitute/Infidelity Bad Habits, Bernie Madoff’s Theft Bad Habit, Aaron Hernandez’s Murder Bad Habit, Whitney Houston’s Drugs Bad Habit, And now we have Harvey Weinstein and his sexual abuse bad habit. As I mentioned in my book Rich Habits, your habits create two types of luck – Opportunity Luck or Detrimental Luck. Think about your habits as apple seeds.

We’ve gone over some critical factors that you need to consider to become an entrepreneur now I’m going to share a link to a great blog post that I wrote which has the top ten websites and resources online for entrepreneurs: Top 10 Blogs Online The You Never Heard Of But Should Have

Last, but not least here are a few videos from youtube that you might enjoy…

Follow Your Dreams – Be An Entrepreneur With Richard Branson

How To Become An Entrepreneur – This Comes from a youtube channel that is worth taking a look at…

A good video on How To Think Like An Entrepreneur From a Higher level business perspective…

How To Be An Entrepreneur – a basic video…

Another terrific resource on your journey to be an entrepreneur is to Check out My Article On The Top Ten Blogs For Entrepreneurs That You’ve Never Heard Of But Should Have.

… and if you haven’t taken a look at what Mobile Marketing has to offer then check out this article on Great Mobile Marketing Tips

Here’s a guide to key business terms that are important to know with corresponding links to Wikipedia for helpful definitions.

Keywords:Wikipedia Link:
business Wikipedia Business
entrepreneurshipWikipedia Entrepreneurship 
servicesWikipedia Services
franchise Wikipedia – Franchising
marketingWikipedia – Marketing
products Wikipedia – Products
investment Wikipedia – Investment
inspiration Wikipedia – Inspiration
business plan Wikipedia – Business Plan
venture capital Wikipedia – Venture Capital
small business loans and small business adminstrationWikipedia – Small Business Administration 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, so leave your comments or links to good resources you’ve found etc…

 

How to be more assertive
Oct 08

How To Be More Assertive – The Top 7 Strategies and Why Power Posing May Not Work…

By Admin | Personal Development , Relationships

How to be more Assertive…

It’s a question that many people ask themselves especially after they have had an interaction in which they believe they did not stand up for themselves the way the wanted.

I had a friend once who was as strong as a tiger in almost every way and could be incredibly assertive in almost all situations. She even bullied a professor in college into changing her final class grade from a B to an A (true story).

But when I saw her interact with her father the one time he visited for parent weekend she turned meek as a mouse and I couldn’t believe the transformation that came over her…

I became fascinated with the topic of assertiveness that weekend, and being a double major in psychology and philosophy and throughout graduate school and the course of many years since then, I’ve had the opportunity to learn a great deal about assertiveness.

People aren’t born either assertive or passive – they’re shaped by many experiences over time that influences the mental models they develop about assertiveness, communication and whether or not it’s acceptable to express feelings, wants and needs.

Some people had parents that raised them to be accommodating and to put the needs of others first. The problem here is that this can become a pattern of avoiding conflict and only seeking to meet the needs of others which in the end is harmful because we all have wants and needs which must be met, at least some of the time.

Think of unmet wants and needs as pressure building up inside a tea kettle overtime with no way to be released…

In the end, it’s you that ends up harmed by the internal pressure of the unreleased steam. In fact, your health can be negatively affected, so it’s important to work on developing the tools to increase confidence to be able to speak up and be assertive without being aggressive so that we can appropriately express our emotions, wants and needs in the right situations whether that’s at home, work, in career situations, etc.

A problem that often occurs when you aren’t assertive is that you start to feel like others are taking advantage of you. It’s a strange predicament because you also feel like others will be upset with you if you stand up for yourself and so you end up feeling uncomfortable.

Sometimes people in this kind of situation resent the person that they are saying yes to even though it is their decision which puts them in the predicament because they feel “forced” to say yes, but sometimes its all in their own mind due to past conditioning.

How to be more assertive

Becoming assertive without tipping the scale into aggressiveness is a part of maintaining good mental health for yourself. Having good boundaries where you respect your own wants, needs, and emotions helps you to feel better about yourself and allows you to appropriately prioritize your own desires…

 

Here Are The Top 7 Ways To Know You Need To Work On Being More Assertive & What To Do About It.

Watch for these signs and Practice these Skills on How to be more assertive:

 

  1. Trouble saying “No.” When you have trouble asserting yourself you often find yourself saying yes more often than you want to. You may find yourself feeling like a victim because to you it seems as if you’ve been pushed into doing things you don’t want to do even though you’re the one who said yes in the first place. Afterall, it’s their fault for asking, right? No, it’s your fault for failing to say the simple word, “No.”
    • How To Be More Assertive Solution – Recognize that your difficulty with saying no is a result of past conditioning. At first, it may be difficult to change, but once you gain some momentum it will get easier. Practice saying “No” to small requests. Keep in mind that no one can agree to everything. Work on changing your beliefs about saying no- Remember your wants, needs and feelings are important! In order to be healthy, you actually have to prioritize some of your wants, needs, and feelings which means setting limits and being assertive.
  2. You fear rejection. How To Be More Assertive Solution – Increasing and practicing self-confidence is the solution to this problem. As you worry less about rejection you will become more assertive. Changing your beliefs about rejection and recognizing that rejection doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad can help change the negative feelings associated with it. This is one of the primary reasons people aren’t assertive (fear of rejection). It’s a particularly powerful fear that is often picked up during childhood.
  3. Your needs never seem to be met. Do you find yourself wishing that others would pay as much attention to your needs as you do to theirs? It doesn’t work that way. If you’re too accommodating to people sometimes they don’t treat you with respect because you have no boundaries and so they walk all over you.
    • How To Be More Assertive Solution – Set limits with other people. This is a skill that requires practice. Start small, say no to something with low importance for you to make it easy at first. This will help get the ball rolling to ensure you’re meeting your own needs. Consider enlisting others to help you.
  4. You find that taking responsibility is difficult. People who have difficulty with assertiveness often have trouble accepting responsibility. Can you accept criticism and compliments? If not, you’re probably not very assertive.
    • How To Be More Assertive Solution – Practice taking responsibility for your actions by setting limits and increasing your self-confidence. As you take more responsibility your self-confidence will increase and it will become easier to be assertive as well.
  5. You are conflict avoidant. When you are mistreated do you avoid doing anything about it? Would you rather make peace regardless of the cost?
    • How To Be More Assertive Solution – Learn to embrace conflict. Conflict is a natural part of life and human relationships. It requires an ability to tolerate internal distress and accept the belief that it is ok for people to disagree. The principle is to start small so that you gain success with small items and then build your confidence and success from there.
  6. You say, “I’m sorry” quite a bit. Apologies have their time and place, but you probably apologize for things that are not your fault at all.
    • How To Be More Assertive Solution – Practice going a full day without saying “I’m sorry”. Keep track of when you say it. Notice what situations, feelings, and beliefs serve as triggers for you. Continue to incorporate practice periods into your life so that you become mindful of your patterns and gradually lessen your use of this two-word term.
  7. You hold back on sharing your opinion. Do you ever choose the destination when you are going out with friends?
    • How To Be More Assertive Solution – You do have an opinion and it matters. Express your opinion. Practice expressing your opinion and increase the number of times you do so by a small number each day. Reward yourself as you keep expressing yourself.

The key principles are to start small to create easy victories, track your progress and celebrate your wins. If you backslide there is no need to punish yourself, you had more than enough of that growing up, time to let go of that mindset…

The advice on assertiveness I’ve given all has scientific backing. I want to show how difficult it can be for people to find good information out there…

Now I want to show how difficult it can be for people to find good information out there when they look for help on how to be more assertive…

Let’s say that you type into google or youtube the search term “how to be more assertive”

You might find this Tony Robbins video which looks great and is very compelling. What Tony doesn’t tell you is that the information he is talking about comes from the work of Amy Cuddy.  I was so fascinated by this topic a few years ago that I decided to actually look at the original research which left me with some questions about the validity of the research findings (not the author’s integrity)…

1st, here’s Tony’s video…

Now let’s take a look at a recent article that examines whether or not power poses, as described by Tony and so many others and based on the work of Amy Cuddy, has real-world results…

http://time.com/4949675/power-poses-confidence/‘Power Poses’ Don’t Actually Work. Try These Confidence-Boosting Strategies Instead – TIME A TED talk delivered by Amy Cuddy, an associate professor at Harvard Business School and a co-author of the study, has been viewed an astounding 43 million times. And no wonder. As the paper’s introduction promises: “…a person can, by assuming two …

…So, as you can see this article summarizes the results of additional research showing that power poses may not do much to increase assertiveness in the real world and have the results that the original research seemed to indicate.

It’s very hard for the average person without a research background to separate out good advice from bad, and know that the results of one research study need to be replicated to see if the results hold true over a number of different trials. I have a big problem with the entire state of affairs with the self-help industry these days which in my own small way I’ll be trying to help with some course correction here and there…

All it takes is a very convincing charismatic person (and I don’t just mean Tony Robbins) to present information as if it’s true and then you have hundreds of thousands of people following flawed advice, believing its true and wondering what’s wrong with them when the technique doesn’t work. That’s a bad situation in my book.

In the end, assertiveness techniques, training, and skills all revolve around the idea that you are prioritizing yourself. It’s about recognizing that you are important and worth something in this world and that other people aren’t more worthy or worthwhile. When you always put the needs of others first your health will suffer. While there’s not an instant quick fix to assertiveness, there are time-tested strategies that work…Work on your assertiveness and you will become more respected by others, you own self-respect will increase and you will be both happier and healthier. So, here’s to you having a happier, healthier more assertive life!

You might be interested in checking out this article on Gaining Credibility even when you’re new

Share with me your thoughts about assertiveness and this article…